Can you trust your resources?

My Daughter was teaching me how to play Chess. 

She is very good at it. 

I shared a picture of the board on Facebook.

She set up the board the way it was explained to her to do so. 

So I was surprised when a friend

commented that the King and Queen 

were in incorrect positions.

So as many of us do, 

we took to Google for a 

How To search.

WikiHow to set up a Chessboard

I shared my WikiHow search results. 

The feedback was 

"wow I am quite surprised how bad this wikihow site is ... highly inaccurate. *cringe*"

So then how do we check our resources 

to ensure that the validity of the information? 

A simple google search 

does not insure 

accurate information. 

In this situation I check multiple online resources

and found apps for the game.

The Chess Website - French Defense

I also checking in to Tournaments 

and the World Chess Federation

12th Malaysian Chess Festival 2015

Surely they know how to set up a board. 

How are you checking out your sources of information? 

Can you trust your resources? 

Your life should be balanced - can be very misleading

I like this quote from Peter Walsh

"A compartmentalized life doesn't work for most of us. Home, family, love, work, food, activity, hobbies, rest  - if one element is out of whack, everything suffers. Your life should be balanced. It should be a productive life, a social life, a spiritual life, a life where you give and receive love. As I hope I've made clear, I believe that home is the best place to start making changes that reverberate across all parts of the balance life. I want you to look at all aspects of your life." 

I would love this quote however I needed to get past a few words.

It's a wonderful quote and if you like it and can handle all the shoulds and even if you can't handle all the shoulds, you will enjoy one of his books "Does this clutter make my butt look fat?"

I read this book. I have no idea really even how it came to be part of my collection but it did.  I was making decisions about books to part with and since I had the opportunity to meet Peter in person and see him speak, I thought, "this one I'll read". I'm glad I did. 

I wasn't necessarily looking to lose weight, not weight necessarily in the physical sense but maybe in the mental sense.

I got past the wording that had to do with anything about losing weight, shoulds and balance. I benefited as a result and so has my waste line. 

See the message here is more than the title suggests.

Should's I don't like them. 

Again getting past the word "should"

gave me the opportunity 

to see the quote 

and get what I really needed from it. 

The "qoute" shows how interconnected what goes on in our lives is. Home, Family, Love, Work, Food, Activity, Hobbies, Rest are all connected. The better the connection you have between all of these at the levels that are optimal for you, the happier you are.

Working too hard = not happy.

Not sleeping = not happy.

Not resting = not happy.

Not eating well = not happy.

Not giving and receiving love, 

in the way that's optimal for you = not happy.

Happy people have lives that they view as productive, they have the optimal amount social and spiritual in their lives for them.Happy people will have an increase in balance between productivity, social interaction, spirituality, rest, nourishment, special interests and work, for them.

It does not mean that each part carries an absolute equal weighting.
As pictured when you see a scale with two sides, one going up or down depending on whether or not the weight is heavier on the other side. The goal is not to make all parts equal. The only review board there is - is you. That's my dilemma with the word balance, as a word, it can be misleading.
What is an optimal balance for you? 

5 steps to check fears off your list....

5 steps to check fears off your list....

1. Define the fear

2. Find someone doing what you fear

3. Ask for advice 

4. Listen to the advice 

and 

Most Important

5. Enjoy Yourself!

I faced a fear today. It's been 3 years since Laurie and I became friends. We met for lunch and coffee to network, when I worked in oil and gas.  We were both in sales. Right out of the gate Laurie told me about his love for motorcycles and offered to take me for a ride.

Can you believe it took me three years?

Now, I  wasn't avoiding going but it wasn't making a point to make it happen either.

I'd not been on the back of a motorcycle for more than 30 years. The last time I was on the motorcycle was with my Dad. My Dad passed away over 20 years ago.

Laurie lent me a helmet but the boots are mine. It was a year ago I was gifted the boots and yet I'd still not made a point of going for a ride. Days after I was given the boots, while on holidays, I was offered a ride by a family member. It just didn't happen, til today. 

I had no idea how to get on the bike, never mind how I was going to keep from falling off of it at 10km, let alone 100+ km.

Before getting on the bike I asked for advice. My words were "okay tell me what to do".

Jokingly - The answer was "get on the bike, hold on, and shut up."

And I did just that. 

I learned quickly that there is so much more to being a passenger, 

on the back of a motorcycle, 

then just hanging on.

We were on our way to Bragg Creek for lunch. 

The sensations were many. 

The bike vibrating under me, 

the sun on my skin, 

the smell in the air, 

the sight of nature all around me, 

the wind created by speed, 

and the glee of a fear challenged. 

All at the same time was Bliss. 

I think the universe had its own agenda today. 

I could hear it saying.... 

"You want to challenge this? 

Okay let's play."

So a bumblebee in a helmet 

and birds divebombing 

(or darting out of the way), 

were part of the adventure. 

Where we were going was not planned.

We had lunch at a place called Lucid Koffee Shop.

I found this rather synergistic. 

There were motorcycles in the store 

and the sandwiches 

were named appropriately. 

Turns out 

they're also 

a motorcycle garage.

I often have friends mention to me

"I've always wanted to come here, 

I just did not have the opportunity before. 

Thank You for being here with me." 

I love that. 

I was much more relaxed on the way home. 

I now knew how to get on a bike. 

I learned how to align my spine with the driver, 

to enjoy the turns, the bumps, the speeding up and slowing down.

I learned I have long legs. 

Soon I wasn't holding on as tight.

I'd found comfort. 

I felt connected. 

I really enjoyed the ride

 I totally rocked those boots

and the biker chic look. 

One fear checked of the list. 

Your turn.

"Thinking will not overcome fear but action will."

~W. Clement Stone

ICK all over me

ICK all over me,

If so,

you're not my type.

I love people.

I like to be kind to people.

If you're a Great Dad,

Or a Great Mom,

I like to tell you, so.

And whoever that is,

over your shoulder,

worrying about who I am,

who hasn't bothered to tell you,

how good you are,

how wonderful you have been...

With the "oh my gosh,

who is she/he..."

What the fuck.

Their thoughts

"She's threatening me.

Her kindness sucks,

Because bitterness rules me.

Love people?

Wtf it's about me!"

I do declare

there are good men and women out there

and if I so choose

I will wish to each and everyone

Happy Mother's Day,

Happy Father's Day

and to each and everyone of You.

May their world be blessed

by another one!

Knock Down

Knock Down

We have bodies within our body.

SEMP, John Assaraf calls them.

Spiritual body

Emotional body

Mental body 

Physical body

Have you experienced 

how all these bodies are connected? 

Ever had a situation 

leave you so emotionally 

knocked down 

that your mental and physical bodies 

did an actual shutdown.

I mean you can't stand, 

your heart tries to leap out of your body, 

your head feels like it's going to pop, 

your stomach aches 

and you want to scream, cry, 

and/or throw something.

The only 2 things you can think about 

are throwing up and sleep.

That decision you didn't want to have to make.

 The one you knew you had to 

and you knew it was not going to be easy.

But you didn't realize
it was going to buckle your knees, 

did you? 

That's a knock down 

but not a knock out. 

Being able to take the hard hits keeps you in the game.
The Growth Game.
Doesn't make you friends with every player.
It's definitely not easy and there will be tears. 

Your Spiritual Soil needs moisture,
you are growing. 

Sometimes when you plant a seed
and water it every day
it grows,
sometimes when you plant a seed
and water it every day
it doesn't grow. 

You then have to decide
what to do with the seed. 

You know that you need to let it go
and that the water is needed elsewhere.

Are you mad at the seed?

You gave it your all,
 everything it needed to grow.

Why didn't it grow? 

Yes there maybe anger and disappointment,
but it's time to plant a new seed
and get back in the game. 

Scars

Scars

I have scars 

both inside 

and outside

some of my inside scars 

can be seen

although

not evident 

what they are

or where they are from

my insides

are still healing 

while they heal

they are with my senses

you can hear them

in my voice,

see them 

in my eyes,

feel them

in my touch,

taste them

on my lips

with a hint of thirst and hunger

so ready for this healing

Yet now

my skin is cooler

my balance is off

with a dull pain

the source I can not pin

and a body in orbit

Mind Junk

Mind Junk

A lot like the 

Junk Drawer, 

it's full of stuff.

What stuff? 

Not sure. 

Needed stuff?

Some of it.

Definitely not the majority.

On one occasion, 

when I had moved,

I put the contents of the 

"JUNK DRAWER"

in a large shoe box.

It was months before 

I remembered that 

there was a box

and 

took a look. 

I had not missed a thing. 

"When I am silent,

 I find thunder hidden inside."

RUMI

Still, I took 

about 10%

of that box

and put it in another drawer. 

I've found 7 great ways 

to manage Mind Junk, 

maybe even better than 

the Junk Drawer. 

1. Nature - Sunrise, Sunset, Birds,

 Bare feet in the Grass, 

Smelling Flowers

2. Play - could be a book and might be

3. Creativity - Painting, Crafting

4. Meditation - morning and night

5. Audiobooks - fiction and non fiction, stops my own mind chatter

6. Blogging - helps me reflect and share

7. Culinary Treats - Food and Drinks - Yummy

How do you deal with your Mind Junk? 

Commitment

Day 90 of 90

Well not really.

On March 13th

I committed to

 blog for 90 days.

It was a momentary 

decision. 

I had not blogged for 

90 consecutive days before.
Still have not.

It was a challenge, 

Is a challenge.

"Without commitment, 
you cannot have depth in anything, 
whether it's a relationship, 
a business or a hobby." 
―Neil Strauss

Today would have been 

the 90th day. 

Had I blogged every day 

I would be done. 

Like anything new, 

we have to give ourselves time

to learn.

Did I succeed?
Yes.

How have I measured that success?

If this were a test, 

My result
81/90
and maybe
some partial marks
for the 7 drafts,
that have not yet been
published as posts.

If I were requiring
100%
on the test
my expectations
would have been
very unfair
and I likely
would not have
even begun
the challenge.

 I will take
90%
and commit
to another challenge.

Are you committing favourably
or requiring too much from yourself?

The Power of Want

The Power of Want

You will not change

what you 

do not want 

to change.

No one will, 

no one can. 

You have to Want to.

I found this video humorous....

Thank You Marshall!

It is hard enough to change
our own behaviour,
even when we want to,
never mind someone else's.

If they do not care,
don't waste your time.
Let it Go,
or Let them Go.

Marshall Goldsmith

DO you WANT help
changing,
something
you actually WANT TO
change?

I Don't Feel Like It

I have a list of 
"I Don't Feel Like It"
items and they vary, 
depending on the day.

Laundry, Dishes, Cooking/Juicing, Cleaning,
Working, Exercising, Talking, Walking,
Thinking, Shopping, Eating, 
Planning Meals,
Returning Emails,
Writing, Reading,
Seeing Anyone, 
or Trying.

If it takes effort 
it is going to 
need energy.

“Those who think
 they have not time
 for bodily exercise
 will sooner or later
 have to find time
 for illness.” 
-Edward Stanley

What creates the energy
you need to do
what you don't feel like doing?

“This is how you do it: 

You sit down at the keyboard 

and you put one word after another 

until it’s done. 

It's that easy, 

and that hard.”

- Neil Gaiman 

I remind myself
that my actions
need to be in line
with what I say I want.

My actions need to
reflect
the life I want to have
and the person
I want to be.

Healthy and Fit = Eating Nutritious Foods
and Exercising

If I do want this than
planning meals,
cooking/juicing,
walking and exercising
are a must.

To be true to what I say I want
I would need to do some
of those
"I Don't Feel Like It"
things everyday.

If we are always on the
"I Don't Feel Like It"
side of things,
do we really want,
what we say we want?

Authors Undervalued

Authors Undervalued

I've been gathering research

on Authors and Writers.

I wanted to know 

their Why.

Why did they decide 

to Write and Publish 

A Book? 

For some 

it was 

many books.

What I have found 

in the process 

was more than an answer 

to my question. 

5 things I found

1 - a passion

2 - a struggle

3 - a motive

4 - a "NOW WHAT?"

5 - a Undervalued group of people.

Many wanted to know

the reason behind 

my question.

Why was I asking, 

was I writing a book? 

Others stated, 

You are writing a book.

I could
 and would

but I would not

be undervalued.

I started a crowd fund campaign

Jenn Writes a Book

Many great campaigns

are crowd funded.

Authors are undervalued 

in many ways.

A powerfully relevant message

not already delivered, 

is hard to come by.

Getting in front 

of readers 

takes time and effort. 

The editing, publishing 

and marketing cost 

can be huge.

Creating a website, 

going to events, 

finding opportunities 

to speak,

finding those 

that can benefit 

from your message, 

are all separate 

full time jobs.

With all that, there is no longer time to write,
the reason for doing it all in the first place.

Are you an Undervalued Writer/Author?

Social Intellegence

Social Intellegence

Regardless 

of your own feelings

about 

Caitlyn Jenner's decision,

 for the LGBT or GLBT community, 

it could not have been 

a greater donation.

The awareness around

the event is huge.

Awareness, 

time and money 

could never buy.

The journey of self discovery 

takes a lot of energy.

I can only imagine 

how exhausting 

60 years 

of living 

a life, 

"not one's own"

must have been. 

I have much admiration

for people, 

especially people 

that chose 

to live their truth

rather than conform.

Resistance 

and 

manipulations 

of people around us 

and society, 

the projection of 

other people's emotional needs

and desires,

can be draining. 

"Social Intelligence 

is the ability

to see people

in the most realistic light possible.

By moving past our, usual, 

self absorption, 

we can learn to focus deeply on others,

reading their behaviour in the moment,

seeing what motivates them.

Robert Greene in Mastery

discussed this in Chapter 4.

What I see 

by Caitlyn Jenner's decision,

is an individual 

that wanted to be seen 

as someone who 

lived a "true to self" life.

Actually Lived A Life Feeling Alive.

Whatever

"a life lived",

 feels or looks like 

to any one person, 

is completely personal. 

NO business would I have, 

to decide 

what that should look like

for anyone else.

No question about Social Intelligence. 

What does "LIVED A LIFE FEELING ALIVE" 

look like to you? 

The Listener

The Listener

I revolved in this read. 

I am a listener. 

So much so that 

often I'm 

misunderstood
or not listened to.

I do spend my time 
listening
more than
than being
heard.

However, there is a story here. 

“You know Susie, 
whenever you meet people, 

always remember 
that they were born into this world 

as innocent beautiful little babies,

 like your new niece. 

And, when you meet people 
who have had challenging lives, 

or you just can’t figure out 
what has happened 

remember that not everyone 

has the happy ending 
or the happy story. 

Life and circumstance 
does and will 

impact people 
and that it’s our job to be kind, 

to love and to see beyond what may be 
right in front of us. 

Sometimes, we will be asked 
to help them 

see the beauty of them 
that was there at birth. 

Life is an interesting place, 

and you will meet extraordinary 

people with stories 

that will impact you forever. 

Who will you be within their story?”
By Susan J. Sohn

I chose Compassion, 

I chose Love. 

What do you chose?

Creating my MAP

What is my MAP? 

MAP for 

Mastery

Autonomy

Purpose

I started listening to
"Mastery"
Author
Robert Greene
on Audible.

Finding my superior skill
or knowledge on a particular subject,
has been a challenge for me.

I'm more of a Generalist.

Good at,
however Great
requires a patience
and sticking to one thing
that my love of variety,
is easily bored with.

As a generalist,
I adapt well
to changing
circumstances and environments,
often crave the change.

I'm also attracted to
a range of personalities
and new experiences.

It makes my life more fun.

"You can discover
more about a person
in an hour of play
than in a year of conversation."
Plato

Jon Ferrara CEO of Nimble
speaks about
work, play, relationships
and the importance
of connecting with shared passions.



I do not thrive in a limited set of conditions.
This goes to Autonomy

"one who gives oneself one's own law"

The RULE OF PLAY - for me.

Life for me does not feel
Alive
or Full of Purpose 
without PLAY.

My Heart says that
My Mastery is Variety and Adaptability
My Autonomy is Play
My Purpose is A LIFE LIVED ALIVE. 

My Map is starting to look like a lot of fun

What does your MAP look like?

Redefined

Redefined

There has been 

something moving 

through. 

I use the word "something"  

as there really was not 

a clear definition for it. 

Depression, 

Sadness,

Listless, 

Clouds, 

Shadows 

and 

Rain or Tears.

One word
when I read it 

stuck

"Anxiety" 

but the definition, 

that's not it, entirely. 

Maybe it was the context 

it was presented in. 

I had not felt like writing
I had not felt like
doing anything
or seeing anyone.

A lot of what I was seeing
did not look like the
"ME",
 I knew.

Yes, something was changing,

rather someone.
"ME"

Let's call it
a break through.

Ever felt like your life was being redefined?

Think, Think, Think

We all think.

Some of us
do it more often
and
deeper than others.

We give ourselves shit, a lot.

We can be critical,
judgemental,
yet compassionate and kind.

One of the gifts I've found,
in writing,
is the process
of healing.

Taking thoughts
to heart centred feeling,
adding words to articulate
and anchoring them
in written form,
allows me to let go.

Music, reading and exercise help, too.

Right now,
I Love working out
to this tune.

My escapes. 

How do you get out of your head?

Anger is Human

Anger is Human

I realize that many people

will not even read past 

the title of this blog. 

The Human Experience 

may be best described by

Theodore Rubin

"Feeling angry is 

a Universal 

Human Phenomenon.

It is as basic 

as feeling

hungry, 

lonely, 

loving, 

or tired."

I believe the issue is 

more the 

 bottleneck and ultimate explosion 

of attempting to suppress 

angry feelings

or any other feeling. 

Feeling our thoughts is healthy. 

Anger is perhaps 

the most misunderstood

of human emotions.

Denial and suppression is pathological

observes Robert Firestone Ph. D

I Love what David Whyte 

English poet and philosopher 

has to say about anger. 

"

ANGER is the deepest form of compassion, 

for another, for the world, for the self, for a life, for the body, for a family and for all our ideals, 

all vulnerable and all, possibly about to be hurt. 

Stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, 

anger is the purest form of care, 

the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, 

what we wish to protect 

and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for. 

What we usually call anger is only what is left of its essence 

when we are overwhelmed by its accompanying vulnerability, 

when it reaches the lost surface of our mind 

or our body’s incapacity to hold it, 

or when it touches the limits of our understanding. 

What we name as anger 

is actually only the incoherent physical incapacity 

to sustain this deep form of care in our outer daily life; 

the unwillingness to be large enough 

and generous enough to hold what we love helplessly 

in our bodies or our mind 

with the clarity and breadth of our whole being."

Does it change your perception of Anger?