Saturday 30 May 2015

The Listener

The Listener

I revolved in this read. 
I am a listener. 
So much so that 
often I'm 
misunderstood
or not listened to.

I do spend my time 
listening
more than
than being
heard.

However, there is a story here. 

“You know Susie, 
whenever you meet people, 
always remember 
that they were born into this world 
as innocent beautiful little babies,
 like your new niece. 
And, when you meet people 
who have had challenging lives, 
or you just can’t figure out 
what has happened 
remember that not everyone 
has the happy ending 
or the happy story. 
Life and circumstance 
does and will 
impact people 
and that it’s our job to be kind, 
to love and to see beyond what may be 
right in front of us. 
Sometimes, we will be asked 
to help them 
see the beauty of them 
that was there at birth. 
Life is an interesting place, 
and you will meet extraordinary 
people with stories 
that will impact you forever. 
Who will you be within their story?”
By Susan J. Sohn

I chose Compassion, 
I chose Love. 

What do you chose?

Thursday 28 May 2015

Creating my MAP


What is my MAP? 

MAP for 

Mastery
Autonomy
Purpose

I started listening to
"Mastery"
Author
Robert Greene
on Audible.

Finding my superior skill
or knowledge on a particular subject,
has been a challenge for me.

I'm more of a Generalist.

Good at,
however Great
requires a patience
and sticking to one thing
that my love of variety,
is easily bored with.

As a generalist,
I adapt well
to changing
circumstances and environments,
often crave the change.

I'm also attracted to
a range of personalities
and new experiences.

It makes my life more fun.

"You can discover
more about a person
in an hour of play
than in a year of conversation."
Plato

Jon Ferrara CEO of Nimble
speaks about
work, play, relationships
and the importance
of connecting with shared passions.



I do not thrive in a limited set of conditions.
This goes to Autonomy
"one who gives oneself one's own law"

The RULE OF PLAY - for me.


Life for me does not feel
Alive
or Full of Purpose 
without PLAY.

My Heart says that
My Mastery is Variety and Adaptability
My Autonomy is Play
My Purpose is A LIFE LIVED ALIVE. 

My Map is starting to look like a lot of fun

What does your MAP look like?


Tuesday 26 May 2015

Redefined

Redefined

There has been 
something moving 
through. 

I use the word "something"  
as there really was not 
a clear definition for it. 

Depression, 
Sadness,
Listless, 
Clouds, 
Shadows 
and 
Rain or Tears.

One word
when I read it 
stuck
"Anxiety
but the definition, 
that's not it, entirely. 

Maybe it was the context 
it was presented in. 


I had not felt like writing
I had not felt like
doing anything
or seeing anyone.

A lot of what I was seeing
did not look like the
"ME",
 I knew.



Yes, something was changing,
rather someone.
"ME"

Let's call it
a break through.

Ever felt like your life was being redefined?

Saturday 23 May 2015

Think, Think, Think

We all think.

Some of us
do it more often
and
deeper than others.

We give ourselves shit, a lot.

We can be critical,
judgemental,
yet compassionate and kind.

One of the gifts I've found,
in writing,
is the process
of healing.

Taking thoughts
to heart centred feeling,
adding words to articulate
and anchoring them
in written form,
allows me to let go.

Music, reading and exercise help, too.

Right now,
I Love working out
to this tune.


My escapes. 

How do you get out of your head?

Thursday 21 May 2015

Anger is Human

Anger is Human

I realize that many people
will not even read past 
the title of this blog. 

The Human Experience 
may be best described by
Theodore Rubin

"Feeling angry is 
a Universal 
Human Phenomenon.
It is as basic 
as feeling
hungry, 
lonely, 
loving, 
or tired."

I believe the issue is 
more the 
 bottleneck and ultimate explosion 
of attempting to suppress 
angry feelings
or any other feeling. 

Feeling our thoughts is healthy. 

I Love what David Whyte 
English poet and philosopher 
has to say about anger. 
"
ANGER is the deepest form of compassion, 
for another, for the world, for the self, for a life, for the body, for a family and for all our ideals, 
all vulnerable and all, possibly about to be hurt. 
Stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, 
anger is the purest form of care, 
the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, 
what we wish to protect 
and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for. 
What we usually call anger is only what is left of its essence 
when we are overwhelmed by its accompanying vulnerability, 
when it reaches the lost surface of our mind 
or our body’s incapacity to hold it, 
or when it touches the limits of our understanding. 
What we name as anger 
is actually only the incoherent physical incapacity 
to sustain this deep form of care in our outer daily life; 
the unwillingness to be large enough 
and generous enough to hold what we love helplessly 
in our bodies or our mind 
with the clarity and breadth of our whole being."


Does it change your perception of Anger? 

Wednesday 20 May 2015

How we heal

Let's See Where 90 Days takes us.
Day 69, Wednesday


How We Heal

It was Saturday 1:35 PM when I texted Jocelyn
"Found it".
I had arrived for my first visit to Unbridled.
A beautiful ranch with 13 horses and puppies too.


I'm not sure where the healing began.

It may have been the trip to the animal hospital,
the grave for Loved and Adored Monty,
or trying to shovel dirt in the rain.

The healing may have begun in the wind
as I accompanied for the evening feeding of the horses.
It was so cold, so quickly.
Although, I was merely there along side,
the horses knew of my presence
from the moment I drove on to the property.


It may have been the evening of conversation.
Jocelyn's battle with Cancer,
had been made public with her speaches.
We discussed this in much greater detail.
Much of the past was coming up for both of us.

The next morning we went out to the horses.
The greeting from the pasture was so beautiful.
It is not every day I have a horse,
come trotting in my direction, as Lexi did.
There was no need to chase.


What was one, became 3 horses
and before I knew it, I was leading Katie.

If Lexi and Katie were going anywhere,
Fonzie was going along too.

We all spent some time in the round pen.


In the beginning I stayed near the centre.
This was fantastic.
I had gotten so far away from thinking
and was fully being.
The joy of brushing a horse,
communicating with slow movements,
the touch of my hand and a soft voice,
was a gift of closeness.

I did not even need to sit on a horse.

Other horses allowed our, one on one, attention.
A Big Beautiful Black Mare named Fizzy,
with an Amazing Black maine and
Zena, the calmest of them all.

I would brush anyone of them,
that let me.

I did not need to ride.
It never even occurred to me to ask.
Being was enough.

Although it was offered,
I didn't even need to sit on a horse.

When asked about the highlights of my experience,
at first my mind was blank.

I Love it when that happens, tells me how present I'm being.
Fully enjoying the moments versus thinking.

Around 2 PM sitting in my vehicle,
it was time to go home.

I would have never guessed
that a large piece/peace
of my experience,
was still to come.

Almost 33 hours later,
after watching Disney's
"Tinkerbell and the Legend of the NEVERBEAST"
the message was not waiting.

Interesting pick considering it's a children's movie. 

From the movie the words
"I won't see you again,
but you will always be there when I need you."
seemed to heal decades of loss
and I instantly began to bawl.

The emotional release was in my tears,
and I could feel the weight lift out of my body.
Reminded me of how heavy Monty was.

I'm so very grateful for the healing.







Sunday 17 May 2015

Life is a Class Room

Life is a Class Room

I was recently asked for my unbiased feedback.

I welcomed and offered that feedback with out concern that my suggestions would be used.

I shared my thoughts with out worry about judgment around the thoughts I offered.

I also took video. Video feedback has a lot for us to learn. It can be a simple and valuable tool in self-reflection.

A formal system for improvement is more about questions, observations  and understanding your end goal.

Feedback is amazingly valuable, in a receptive environment.
The key is being asked.

I admire those who ask for and apply feedback, especially those that ask their peers and colleagues.

I understand that there are multiples ways to help ourselves and others improve. I feel there is much value in self-analysis.

Therefore, if you are not yet comfortable asking others for their input, I suggest that you video yourself.

Although I do not feel academics, is the measure of all, I feel it is valuable here.
This video is a great example for teachers in any form or message to create skill development.

It speaks to variation and effectiveness.



Why?

 Do you have a system for measuring…

Your best environment for improvement.
            Asking yourself challenging questions.
            Finding multiple was to explain your ideas.
            Understanding if your message is understood.
Learning to correct your mistakes.
Asking constructive questions.
           
When giving a presentation do you set the goal or the outcome that you would like listeners to “walk away with” as a result of having spent their valuable time listening to you?

Do they observe and give feedback, when asked?
Do you ask for feedback and welcome constructive criticism, whether you utilize the opinion or not?
Do you understand the value of the diversity of opinions in your circle of influence?

If you have ever been asked for your input, feedback, opinion, constructive criticism
then you may feel the honor I have.

I felt valued and as though I had made a contribution.

There is variation among individuals.

I happy to honor that variation.  In it and more are my life lessons.


Where are yours?

Friday 15 May 2015

25 words or less

25 words or less

I googled a song



and learned a lesson
via David Letterman.

Iggy's songs were
25 words or less.

Love!

Tips.

Is your message 25 words or less?




Thursday 14 May 2015

Perspective

Let's See Where 90 Days takes us.
Day 63, Thursday

Perspective

Ever read a book
and then watched the movie?

I was not in grade school
the first time I did this,
however My Daughters
class did.

Talking about it today,
with her,
was a great opportunity
to discuss
"How people view things
differently."



 Any book club
member
can tell you
how the conversation goes.

We identify with
characters
based on who we are
and our experiences.

So do is our
experience of our world.

"What you see depends
not only on
what your look at,
but also,
on where
you look from."

James Deacon

Does this change your perspective?

Wednesday 13 May 2015

Let's get Negative

Let's See Where 90 Days takes us.
Day 62, Wednesday

Let's get Negative

 "Negative"....
 it's not that bad,
yet it has gotten an awful wrap 
over the years.

"No one will ever know 
what I went through 
to secure those negatives. 
The world can never appreciate it. 
It changed the whole course 
of my life."
Mathew Brady

What I've learned about
 the negative is...

It tells the truth 
and it wakes me up.
It lets me see my crap.
 Tells me the truth about my darkness.
 It gives me opportunity.

 In the truth,
in my crap, 
in the darkness, 
is the opportunity,
  and the chance,
 to see/witness 
and change,
 what I don't like.

Wrap your arms around that negative
 and give it a great big hug of gratitude 
and say thank you.

I see,
 I have a choice,
 I can make change happen. 

 Without you 
"negative"
I'd be blind,
asleep,
numb,
 unknowing.

Thank You
for the awareness 
you bring.


Feel different about "negative"?

Tuesday 12 May 2015

That ICK feeling



Let's See Where 90 Days takes us.
Day 61, Tuesday

That ICK feeling

Yesterday afternoon
it started.

Bills in the Mail
was the trigger.

This was on top of....
having to pay  for the right
 to have a credit card,
the denied margin account,
being in between unemployed
and
self-employed.

Short of disclosing
all my financial affairs,
there is a matter with the Government
over an amount that I'm owed.

So, that ICK feeling,
related to Money,
came for a visit.

I'm glad, I recognized it
for what it was.

I let the negative emotion live
long enough to be seen.

"Awareness is like the sun.
When it shines on things,
they are
transformed."
-Thich Nhat Hanh

I asked myself some
questions around Money
as a tool.

What can I do now,
and in small steps
over time
to improve?

First thing this morning
I saw my accountant.
I really like him!

I need a different tool,
for now.

How do I know?

The Energy does not match.

WOW!

Until there is an Energetic Match,
my Energy
has other placed
to BE.

It felt lighter,
freer, easier
and the ICK feeling,
Left.

I went swimming
with my Daughter
and spent time in the
hot tub.

I drank lots of water,
listened to an audio book
and went to bed,
early.

Is anything giving you That ICK feeling?


Monday 11 May 2015

awareness



Let's See Where 90 days takes us.

Day 60, Monday


Awareness

 I have found,
 with writing over a series of days,
 I've become more aware.

Not a new finding.

Journalling has existed
in my world
for over a decade.

Since my first diary,
 more awareness was an option.

I have a collection of diaries/journal's,
full of my thoughts.

Reading back through,
it looks like
not much is changed.

Maybe it's come full circle.

"If you can grow in love, you will grow in awareness.
If you grow in awareness, you will grow in love."
OSHO

I have been the same person.

The passing of years
does not change
that I am who I am.

I've never been more
or less
than me.

Are you content,  to just "be"?

awaken within

Sunday 10 May 2015

Obligations

Let's See Where 90 days takes us.

Day 56, 57, 58 Thursday, Friday, Saturday
and day 59, Sunday

Obligations

Political, Social, Legal, Moral, Traditional...
so many obligations
make for
such heavy times.

I did not feel like writing, posting, blogging.

So for 3 days
I did not force myself.

We force ourselves to do
so many things,
things we convince ourselves
are necessary.

2 of the 3 days I did not
even think
"I committed to blogging,
I should write and post
something."

Should,
Have To,
Got To,
Need.

"True guilt 
is guilt at the obligation 
one owes to oneself 
to be oneself. 
False guilt 
is guilt felt at not being 
what other people feel 
one ought to be 
or assume that one is."
R. D. Laing

Enough already.

The pressure we put on ourselves
takes all the joy out of it.

How about....
I Could,
I'd Like To,
I Can,
I Want.

The heaviness of obligation
when lifted
provides the
return and lightness
of Joy.

"Am I doing ______,
out of a sense of
obligation. Or do I really
want to?"

I'm learning to listen more,
to the differences
in what feels heavy
vs
what feels light.

Light feels right.

Right for me.

Have you found your light?






Thursday 7 May 2015

Surrender to Stillness

Let's See Where 90 days takes us.
Day 55, Wednesday

Surrender to Stillness

It's all I've wanted to do
For days.

The words below are taken from this Article.

"Surrendering to the present moment 
is linked to how our perception of reality 
shapes our experience. 
“Of course you want everything to be quiet
around you; 
you don’t want to be disturbed,”
Eckhart explains. 
“But you need to incorporate
whatever happens 
into your meditation
and surrender to it. 
If there are children screaming outside, 
or drilling taking place on the street, 
you must reflect on why you are annoyed. 
Is it the noise or is it your reaction?
It’s your reaction. 
If you let go of your reaction
there’s just the noise, 
and your egoic self dissolves and 
the noise goes right through you. 
That’s called surrender.”
What does surrender feel like? 
“Surrender means letting go
and allowing what is natural,
instinctual, back into this moment,
but with awareness,” 
as Dorion says. 
“If we’re able to do that
without grasping at whatever is presented, 
then it will move on, 
and once the moving stops 
we will find stillness
waiting patiently for us.” 
Jonni concurs. 
“In this state,
reality is very dynamic and rich,
and we can transcend the thinking mind
to a place of awareness.”

Do you meditate? 

Tuesday 5 May 2015

Your Tribe

Let's See Where 90 days takes us.
Day 54, Tuesday

Your Tribe

The same energetic profile or vibration.

There is an energy about people. 

When you feel it, 
you know instantly 
that they 
are a part of your tribe.

Some call it frequency. 

Sound, heat, light
and thought.

Vibrations per second.

Energy in rapid motion. 

Vibration and frequency.

Senses in the gap.

And a bird chirps!

No thought intervention....
can you imagine?

Instant clear communication.

AHHHHHHHH!

You communicate better on an energetic level 
than you can by words or actions. 

Imagine.

It's the vibration, 
energetically
undisguised. 

"Light and matter are both single entities, 
and the apparent duality arises in
the limitations of our 
language." 

Werner Heisenberg

I give much value to words, 
yet there is still much missed
when one doesn't 
speak the same tongue.

Miscommunication, 
we all know this one.


Monday 4 May 2015

Tolerance is a Gift - to a point.

Let's See Where 90 days takes us.
Day 53, Monday

Tolerance is a Gift - to a point.

Your willingness to accept the existence 
of opinions or behaviour
that you don't necessarily agree with, 
and the allowable amount of variation.

How much and how long we tolerate 
Can depend on many things.

We are all learning 
so I attempt to be tolerant.

Where I've noticed 
I'm challenged 
is 
in longer term relationships.

There's more time spent 
and a variety
of situations
for 
differences 
to show up.

Being tolerant can mean
accepting less than 
what you are looking for. 

"You're going to come across people in your life
 who will say all the right words
 at all the right times. 
But in the end,
 it's always their actions 
you should judge them by. 
It's actions, not words, that matter.
Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue

Now I don't agree with Mr. Sparks 100%,
but I don't live with him,
nor do we spend time together.
I won't hear or read this quote often
And there is enough of the quote
that I do agree with.

I put a lot of weight into actions.
I'll confess,
I'm learning to put more weight into
my own.

To me words matter
a great deal.

I've tolerated a difference
in words and actions,
my own and those of others.

Growing in congruence 
and 
shifting into something new
needs time to take shape.

We can be so hard on ourselves
And others.

Do you consider tolerating a gift to ourselves and others?