Let's See Where 90 days takes us.
Day 52, Sunday
"Love Me for Me" - Setting Boundaries
How do you set boundaries,
without hurting anyone?
I don't know if it's even possible,
and that can be the hardest part of a boundary.
What's important to know is
that you can't do anything about the way someone else feels.
You maybe the most empathic and compassionate person
and understanding their feelings
comes naturally.
There's no malice in setting boundaries,
you're not trying to hurt anyone,
as a matter fact
your aim is to stop hurting you.
Remember you teach people how to treat you
and if you let them treat you in a certain way,
they will continue.
There is a point when you have to draw a line between
where you stop and they begin.
Be clear, be honest, hold true to what you say
and say what you mean.
Your actions speak,
let your actions show
that you mean what you say.
Practicing boundaries
can be hard.
Like any habit it's
takes time and disciple
to make changes.
The hardest part for people,
when you're setting boundaries,
may be your waffling.
Yes it happens,
you change your mind.
When you are new
to the boundary
it can hurt you as much as it hurts them.
So, then Why bother?
You set a boundary because
something needs to change.
It needs to change
because it hurts more.
You are already hurting
and it hurts more to continue
on the same path
than it does to change direction.
Your feelings and what you want,
are not less important.
When a boundary is crossed or not honoured,
it tests how important the change is to you.
Maybe someone is frustrated and angry
with what you have decided.
Their words may feel like
"how I feel is more important than how you feel",
as an attack or lashing out at you.
Re affirm your reasons why and the purposes for your boundaries.
It is important to ask for the space,
if you need it.
However even when you've asked for space
there may be an occasion
where it's not given.
Silence may be the only option.
Since you were clear and honest
and asked for the space,
your silence is not abusive.
However your silence maybe felt as hurtful.
You know it's not!
Especially when you've already asked for distance and time.
You need what you need and you asked for it.
You mean it!
If you won't stand behind your boundary,
why would anyone else.
If you mean what you say,
stand by your words.
Silence can help you
to stay away from saying things that you don't mean.
Silence can eliminate
the chatter of others,
so you can listen to yourself.
When you know what your intent is,
maybe to take the time you need to heal,
don't let anybody make you feel like
you don't deserve it.
What they feel is not more important
than what you need to do to heal.
And if they love you and respect you,
as they may say they do,
one day they'll understand.
If they don't respect or understand,
chances are it was not you they love,
it's their idea of you,
not the you you're becoming,
not the you you'll become,
and definitely not you,
no matter what.
Mean it when you set a boundary.
Tell the world "love me for me"
not who you want me to be.
Have you had challenges in setting boundaries?
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